On the Hood of His '79
by oony
Summary: Sometimes the most powerful of messages are those left unspoken.


Rating of R. Rated for non-consensual sex. Slash.

I do not own the characters, JKR does. I simply borrow them.

With special thanks to rekahneko.

Sometimes the most powerful of messages are those left unspoken.

On the Hood of His '79

–

"You fucking _bastard_." _How could you do this to me?_

The door slammed so hard that it quivered on its hinges.

"Rem, look. Just...Calm down. It's not what it looks like—" _I'm so stupid so stupid. First class royal fuck up is what I am._

"Not what it looks like? How the hell can it _not _be what it looks like?" Remus growled and spun around sharply on his heel. "What am I supposed to think when you come waltzing through the front door with no shirt on—" _How could you? I can't even think about it._

"That doesn't mean—" _Please Moony, I'm so sorry. You know that. Please don't make me say it._

"_And _a blond on each arm." Remus' voice rose in volume and he continued as if Sirius hadn't attempted to interrupt him. "Not to mention all of the smeared lubricant—" _It was all over. The smell. Their smell—Oh, God—all over you._

"—Not that bad." _Moony, please._

A heavy silence fell. Remus' mouth opened and closed slowly, his mind processing what he was in denial over.

"Sirius." His voice was one of forced calm. "They were both _naked_." _How could you ?_

"I—" _I'm sorry. So sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Never want to hurt you._

"And now you're standing there, trying to tell me that it's not what it _fucking looks like_?" _Please for once, be right. Padfoot, be right. Tell me it really wasn't what it looked like._

"I've got a good explanation—" _I wish I knew what to tell you. All I've got is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so sorry. But that's not enough, is it?_

"Do you?" Remus whispered, sliding a few steps closer until their noses touched slightly. "Well, I've got news for you. You, Sirius Black, can shove your fucking. Lies. Up. Your. Ass." _Tell me. Prove me wrong. Please, Padfoot, please._

With each word came a new degree of closeness. By the time Remus was done, their lips brushed. Sirius' head tilted carefully in an invitation. Remus refused by spinning away and moving briskly for the door. He yanked the golden band off his left ring finger as he went.

"And maybe," Remus said thoughtfully as he turned in the doorway. His eyes were glued intensely on Sirius' as he rotated the small ring that promised forever deftly between his fingers. "After you're done, you can fit this up there too." _You didn't say anything. There was no explanation. There is no apology. There's no nothing, is there? God, Sirius, what happened to us? Why don't we talk anymore? Why, Padfoot, why?_

He threw the ring over his shoulder on his way out the door. The gold band rolled to a stop at Sirius' feet. He bent, picked it up. Open mouthed, Sirius stared at it in disbelief. The fading rays of sun flickering through the dirty window glinted off of the band mockingly. Sirius shoved it in his pocket and bolted out of the door after Remus. He didn't bother taking the time to close it behind him.

Remus was already halfway down the driveway. Halfway to the car. Halfway to being gone.

"Rem, wait!" He yelled as the other man reached the car.

Remus ignored him and reached to pull the driver's door open. He swore under his breath when it wouldn't relent, only remembering that Sirius had the car keys.

"Don't—" _Don't go, stay here. With me. It'll never happen again, I promise. This isn't like all of those other promises, this one is different. I swear. I solemnly swear, Remus. Remember when we used to say that? The four of us, remember how happy we were? How happy you were. You were happy, weren't you?_

"Give them to me," Remus snapped, amber eyes fixed firmly on the car door, hand extended toward Sirius expectantly. _Don't give me the keys. Don't give me the keys. Please, don't you want me?_

"What are you—" _You don't want the keys, Remus. I know you don't. At least I think I do. God, Moony, we don't even know each other anymore, do we?_

"The keys," he growled low in the back of his throat. "Now, Sirius. Give me the damn keys." _You lost them, tell me you lost them. Then I can go back inside and pretend like I care._

Sirius stopped just short of Remus. Slowly, he withdrew the keyring from the inside of his pocket. Sirius twirled the ring around his index finger. The keys hit one another with a tiny jingling sound. The milky June sun glinted off of numerous stainless steel keys, half of them had been forgotten of their original function and had been reduced to popping the difficult cap of off the usual beer.

"These?" _Of course these, what else could they be?_

Remus didn't even look up. "Yes, those." _Of course those, what else could they be?_

He made a quick grab for them, but Sirius yanked them out of his reach at the last second.

"Oh, these keys? You want _these _keys?" _Remus, stay. You want to stay, I know you do. Why are you doing this?_

Remus finally looked up at him, forced with nothing else to do. His eyes were dark and loath filled.

"Yes." _I'm through playing mind games._

Sirius tucked them back into his pocket with a small shake of his head. "Sorry, no can do. You see, that's my car—" _Our car, remember how we bought it together? Remember, Remus, do you remember? And we fought about the payments on it. I won, remember. You were laughing on the bed and I was on top of you, tickling you, holding you, making love to you. You agreed that I'd pay for it. Remember?_

"I don't give a fuck." It took all of his self control to keep his tone even and measured. _I don't care whose car it is, or who pays for it, or who drives it the most, or anything. Just tell me I can't drive it. Don't let me back down that driveway, Sirius. If you love me, don't._

"Well, I do." _I love you, Remus. Love you. Let me take you back inside. Let me show you how sorry I am. You know I was never too good at telling you. Remember how I showed you for the first time after the prank with the willow and Snape and how you almost almost almost almost—Oh, God._

"Sirius," Remus said at length, his voice a quality of deadly calm. "Give me the damn keys. We don't want this to get messy. Remember what happened last time?" _Remember remember remember? I don't want you to remember. Don't want you to remember how I how I how I—hurt you._

In response, Sirius' hand traveled to his collar bone. He fingered the long scar that it bore.

Last time, they had been in the kitchen, fighting on opposite sides of the table. Remus had managed to get hold of a steak knife.

Sirius told everyone who asked about it that he had gotten it in an accident at the Muggle garage where he worked.

"Yes, that's right." Remus' voice was one normally reserved for a small child. "Just hand over the keys and no need to get violent." _I'm not going to hurt you, Sirius. Last time was different. Last time was an accident. No ones going to get hurt this time. I'm not going to hurt you, Padfoot._

Sirius' fingers tightened around the keys in his pocket. He wasn't giving them up even if the whole fucking world came to an end right then and there. Giving the keys up meant giving Remus up as well. There was no chance in hell that was ever going to happen.

"No, you're not going anywhere." His voice turned firm, controlling. It was the only way he knew to make Remus stay. To get him to obey. The wolf in Remus knew a master and found that master in Sirius. _Listen, Remus. Just listen to me. I know you want to. Why do you fight me, Remus? Why do you always try and fight me? This is what you want. You were always too hard on yourself, just give in._

"Sirius." Remus' voice dripped back down to a growl. Sirius figured that this is how Moony would sound if the wolf could talk. _Thank you, Padfoot. I don't want to leave Padfoot. I want to stay with you. Take me inside, take me inside, Sirius and lets make this better. Now, please._

"No. It's my car. And you can't have the keys. You're not going anywhere." _Come here, Remus. Come to me, love. Step away from the car and the freedom it invokes. Lets go home now._

Remus' mouth thinned to a tight line. He hesitated, torn between two decisions. When his mind was made up, he turned, the gravel crunching under his shoes, and strode down the driveway. This shoulders were tense and his head up.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sirius yelled after him. _Moony, no. This isn't how it was supposed to be. You were supposed to run to me, let me pick you up. You were supposed to let me take you back. You were supposed to stay with me. You were supposed to want to stay with me. Come back, Remus, come back._

"You wont give me the keys, fine. Just fine. I'll walk." The Anti-Apparation wards gave out about five hundred feet from their house. Once he reached those, he would be able to leave with or without the keys or the car. _You've got time, Padfoot. Come get me. Please come get me. Don't make me beg you to take me back._

Sirius ran after him. He caught up with Remus just as he reached the end of the long driveway. He caught Remus around the wrist, roughly spun him around.

"Let go—" _Don't let go. Don't let go. Never ever let go, Sirius._

"Didn't you hear me?" Sirius hissed, mouth against Remus' ear. "I said you're not going anywhere. You're not _allowed _to go anywhere." _It's all going to be okay, Moony. Let me hold you. I'm going to take good care of you. I'm so sorry. You know that don't you?_

Remus pulled back, wrist still in a vice grip. Amber met silver and his eyes narrowed.

"I'm leaving. But before I do, get one thing straight. I, Sirius Black, I. Am. Not. Yours. Not yours to give permission to. Not yours to order. Not your to _own_." _I'm yours to love and to hold. I'm yours in every way. If you want me, take me. Don't let go._

He turned, only to be hauled back again.

"What?" _You're mine, Remus. Mine Remus John Lupin. And you love it, I know you do. We both know this. Why do you say such things?_

"I'm leaving." _Don't make me say it again. It hurts too much._

"You _are mine_." _Are you trying to test me, Remus? What are you playing at? You're mine and you're not leaving. Not leaving, you're not leaving. Not another step._

Mouths collided in a bruising kiss that was all about ownership. Remus jerked away, a small trickle of blood pooling at the corner of his mouth. His eyes steadily grew wider. A blood drawing kiss from Sirius only meant one thing. Remus bolted for the house. Sirius caught him by the time he reached the car.

"Remember what happened last time?" Sirius spat out the words that had rolled off of Remus' tongue just a short while earlier. Remus winced. _You do remember, don't you? And you hate yourself for it. Because you hurt me. But I wont hurt you, Moony. I love you._

They rounded the car, Sirius on one side and Remus on the other.

"Not mine, huh?" The raven haired snarled. Remus shook his head, fear and desire clouding his eyes. "Answer me, dammit! _Whose are you, you little whore_?" _Remus...That's not true is it? You are mine, aren't you? Who else has been in our bed, Remus?_

Remus still refused to answer.

They played cat and mouse a while longer, running in circles around the car. Either trying to catch or to evade.

After several minutes had passed, both stood on either side of the hood. A silent agreement passed that a short break was in order. Although neither one had officially decided how 'short' short really was.

Sirius decided how long it was when he dove across the hood and grabbed both of Remus' wrists. They fought and struggled like two caged and desperate animals until Remus was jean-less and shoved against the car, palms down and fingers splayed on the hood. In curvy, black ink, Sirius' last name stared back at him from Remus' lower back.

"Spread 'em, Remus," the grim Animagus growled. Remus bit his lower lip and lowered his forehead to the hot, red painted metal of Sirius' car. "_Now_," A sharp slap to Remus thigh accompanied the command. _Why aren't you willing, Remus? Don't you want this? I know you want this, I can feel it, can't you feel how much I want this too?_

Sirius growled and forced Remus' legs apart with his knee. Remus' fingers curled and uncurled once, scratching the paint.

"Mine." Sirius growled and shoved his hand in front of Remus' mouth.

The werewolf knew that if he would supply his own lubricant than Sirius would simply continue without it. Remus spat in the offered hand and gritted his teeth together. The saliva was poor at preparing him, but it was a bit better than nothing. Remus fell forward, cheek sliding against the sleek body of the car. His fists curled, eyes steaming, and mouth panting. _Mine Remus, you're mine. You belong to me. Do you remember our first time? You were mine then and are now too._

"Mine, you got it? You're mine, Remus Lupin, and no only mine. You belong to me and no one else," Sirius panted as a thin sheen of sweat broke out over his brow and slid slowly down the back of his shirt. _You look so good, Remus. You look so good when you're mine, Remus._

Deeper. Harder. Remus grunted in pain and sweat stuck his shirt to his skin. More frantic. Faster. Fingers holding his hips so that he couldn't move. A hard bite to the nape of his neck. Remus whimpered.

"Mine." The word came out more like an inhuman scream as the crashing wave of climax swept through Sirius' body. Sweet, hot, wet heat unfurling with the strength of a lethal tidal wave. Sirius collapsed limply against Remus' back as he trembled beneath him. _See what you do to me, Moony? So beautiful, so fucking beautiful. And it's all mine._

Sirius reached forward and grabbed Remus. Remus gave a half sob, half cry, and twisted slightly in Sirius' firm grip.

Part of the lesson, he wasn't allowed release. Wasn't allowed to do anything but stand there meekly with Sirius still buried deeply until he decided to pull out.

"Say it." _Tell me Remus, I want to hear it. I know you want to say it._

Remus was silent, bit his lip harder, and rocked into the other man's hand.

"I said _say it_." More force, and more pain. It was not time for love, that would come later. But right now was not the time. _Come on Moony Moony. Let me hear it, love. Be a good boy and tell me what I want to hear._

"Yours," Remus whispered, pushing back with a wince and an invite. "I'm yours, Sirius." _How could that have ever been a question? I have always been yours._

"Whose?" _You know I never get tired of hearing that pretty little word coming out of your pretty little mouth._

"Yours." _I mean it, Padfoot. You're hurting me, love. Please._

Sirius pulled out tenderly. Kissed the skin that he had abused with soft, close mouthed kisses. Remus shook and let Sirius gently clean him up. It was always like this, every single time.

"C'mon, love, inside," Sirius whispered, picking Remus up with one hand on the back of his neck and the other slung under his legs. _See how much better that is? I told you I wouldn't hurt you. I told you that I love you._

Remus hid his face in Sirius' shoulder and together they went inside.

They took a shower, letting the hot water wash away all of their problems. Rinse them clean of sin and let it swirl down the drain. They went to bed, only there was no sleep and no talking.

They touched finger tips to finger tips and nothing more. Silently saying what their mouths simply could not say.

_I love you._

_I'm sorry._

_I forgive you._

_I love you so much._

_Love you, love you, love you, loveyouloveyouloveyou._

They got up quietly in the morning. Exchanged a small kiss. And everything went back to normal.

As it always did.

–


End file.
